I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!) An \nawesome stranger named John David who follows\nTori around the country gave me a ticket\nso i got in for free!!! YAY!!! Wow!!!\nBarbara and me rolled down the hill. \n\nBut for some reason everything made me feel\nlike i was about to cry. Part of it was\nseeing Tori, but i'm still shaking inside\nand don't know why.\n..........................................\n..........................................\nI have this stupid tendency to act\nlike a ditz when i'm around people. (friends\nof mine have told me that when they first \ngot to know me they were surprised that i was\nsmart...) I just get so excited around people\n, I can barely function.\n................ There was a little 5 year\nold girl who danced with me and Barbara=)=)\nOH I LOVE CHILDREN SO MUCH!!!! I can't wait\nto have them!!! sometimes i talk to my eggs\nbecause they will someday be my little kids.\nI know i'd be a better mother later than now,\nbut I wish I could take them out and play\nwith them for a little while, and then put \nthem back until i'm like 30. It would be so great;\nwe'd have a lot of fun. .................\n.................\nSometimes i'm worried that i wouldn't be\na good mother though. I'm not a horribly \ndisciplined person myself, and it would be\ncompletely hypocritical to try to instill that\nin another person. Also, one of my deepest\nfears (one that annoys everyone close to\nme on a daily basis) is the fear that people\ndon't really like me, that they're only \npretending to like me and really have some\nulterior motive and laugh at how ridiculous\ni am behind my back. I can't even begin to\nimagine what would happen to me when my \nchildren inevilably rejected me and rebelled\nwhen they became teenagers.\n\n\n\n%%--> motherhood
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Sunday, August something Dear Diary, Today I went to the Tori/Alanis show with Robin!!! It was bittersweet. I saw a lot of people who made me feel really special (aka Barbara, Emily, Dori, Marie, Cara, other Cara, Kim, K.C. and Sita --> I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!) An awesome stranger named John David who follows Tori around the country gave me a ticket so i got in for free!!! YAY!!! Wow!!! Barbara and me rolled down the hill. But for some reason everything made me feel like i was about to cry. Part of it was seeing Tori, but i'm still shaking inside and don't know why. .......................................... .......................................... I have this stupid tendency to act like a ditz when i'm around people. (friends of mine have told me that when they first got to know me they were surprised that i was smart...) I just get so excited around people , I can barely function. ................ There was a little 5 year old girl who danced with me and Barbara=)=) OH I LOVE CHILDREN SO MUCH!!!! I can't wait to have them!!! sometimes i talk to my eggs because they will someday be my little kids. I know i'd be a better mother later than now, but I wish I could take them out and play with them for a little while, and then put them back until i'm like 30. It would be so great; we'd have a lot of fun. ................. ................. Sometimes i'm worried that i wouldn't be a good mother though. I'm not a horribly disciplined person myself, and it would be completely hypocritical to try to instill that in another person. Also, one of my deepest fears (one that annoys everyone close to me on a daily basis) is the fear that people don't really like me, that they're only pretending to like me and really have some ulterior motive and laugh at how ridiculous i am behind my back. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen to me when my children inevilably rejected me and rebelled when they became teenagers.

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